Hard Copy of the LOA!!

I can't even explain all the emotions I have been trying to sort out since the news we received yesterday. Of course we are overjoyed, the feeling of thinking we are going to be a family of 6 (7 including John) in a few months is just wonderful! But I am also stressed about paperwork, overwhelmed with all the details and business of this time of year, and having a lot of anxiety about what to do with Aviela, Asher, and Azalia when we travel. My heart so badly wants to take them with us, I cant bare the thought of being apart from them for 2 weeks (in another country no less), but the financial reality of taking them seems unbearable. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I feel like I have 10 pots boiling, and only enough eyes for 2! Please pray that with all the extra "stuff" going on in our life right now, that we wont lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas, and that we will take everything just a day at a time, piece by piece.

Last year I couldn't wait to turn 30, because that meant we were finally eligible to adopt from China, and by the time I turn 31 we could be holding our little man- my dream, our blessing, a gift from God!

I told Dan its time to put your roller skates on, because these next 10 weeks are going to fly by and there is a LOT to do!! We are going to be signing our acceptance letter tonight, and emailing it to the agency on Monday, From there they send it off to US immigration for approval.

Sorry this is such a short post tonight, I will try to keep you update on the next steps as they happen.


Jen

Ps... Does anyone have any tips of searching for flights? Best airlines? Is there a good time of day or week to check them? Frequent flier miles you arent going to use??

Long awaited update...

Im so sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I update Facebook with a lot of the "big news" but then sometimes I forget to actually write it out. So here goes.... At the beginning of October we got a referral for a precious little boy with Cleft lip and palate. The profile was nearly 6 months old and did not include an update. Dan and I really wanted an update to make sure his development was still on track and to find out if the lip had been repaired. We waited nearly 2 weeks for an update due to a holiday in China. Nearly the whole country "shuts down" to celebrate holidays. When the update arrived he was doing great, and his lip was repaired!! We got the update very late in the evening, we had just put the kids to bed, I sat on the couch and opened my email and found the update. I was so surprised! So I quietly smiled and forwarded it to Dan. He looked up at me and smile, we both just knew! For whatever reason the girls came down the stairs, I think the excuse was something like "we need one more hug," we showed them not even saying who he was or anything. Aviela smiled big, and Azalia repeatedly said "I want that one!" It seemed so peacefully clear, we reviewed the update, and then quickly submitted our letter of intent to adopt. It felt so right that we did not even have the profile reviewed by a physician. His profile was locked with our name and paperwork (dossier) on Oct 16. Our paperwork needs to be translated, and reviewed before China will issue our official letter of acceptance (LOA). On Oct 21 we found out our dossier had been translated but currently we are waiting for it to be reviewed. The estimated wait time is 2-3 month after the profile is locked, we are hoping by the end of the year to have our LOA. After we get the LOA, then we have to wait for Travel  Approval (TA) which takes about 10-14 weeks.... Its our prayer that we will be able to travel sometime in Feb. :)

Here are a copy links to some videos that we were sent of him, if you wanna see him in action! :) These videos were taken a few weeks before he turned one! He turned one, Nov 1, 2013.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjFw4XDD0FE&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_fPw65WrI4&feature=youtu.be

One of the things that really gave us peace about him being our was how the nannies described him. 

"..each time the nannies mix his bottle then go in front of him, he will become especially excited and wave his little hands.  His mouth will open up and smile and the smart and clever child is so likeable.  When the nannies call his name, he will quickly turn his head and look at the nannies."

He is a very happy baby, and you will see that in the videos. :) I know I always say it, but we can't wait to snuggle our little asian!! He was hand picked for us, and his life has a purpose, its not a mistake. He was meant to be an Einfeld, it was Gods plan from the beginning!! 

His verse that we choose for him is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Im sure you are all wondering about his name. Right now his name is Ma Yun Fan, and thats what we have been calling him. We will change it when he comes home, but we are gonna keep it a secret till then. 

Everyone knows adoption is such a beautiful thing, but so expensive (HOWEVER, every penny has been worth it!)! Its true, most of the fees go towards paperwork, legal fees, and the government BUT China requires us to also give a "donation" to our sons orphanage. Its sometimes very emotional thinking about Ma Yun Fan, and wondering if hes crying, if hes scared, if anyone is holding him, or if his birthday was special. Obviously we have to leave it in Gods hands and trust that He is taking care of him, there is comfort in knowing that. So the cool thing about the donation that China requires is that this money goes DIRECTLY to his orphanage!  It helps the orphanage continue to care for the babies that are waiting for their family, and for those who may never find their families. In many parts of China there is no heat, so the need for blanket and warm clothes is very important. This donation keeps the orphanages running so that when these kids are found  abandoned on the street (like Ma Yun Fan) they have a place to go, it is of course not the same as a family, but they provide the basic needs of life- food, clothes, shelter that help the kids grow. So YOU can help!!! The donation that we need to bring to the orphanage is $5,600. We are making the below photo (taken at our family pictures) into a 560 piece puzzle. Each piece we will sell for $10, and your name will be written on the back of it. After all the pieces are sold we will frame the picture and hang it in Ma Yun Fan's room so that he can see how much he is loved, but also how much his country or more specifically his orphanage is LOVED and support. We pray that he will cherish this gift and in the years to come recognize that these people made a lasting mark on the place he called home for over a year of his life. 100% of every donation will be given directly to his orphanage, not the government, or our paperwork, or legal fees, or travel expenses, but to his ORPHANAGE!!! 

 
You may purchase as many pieces as you would like. We have 560 to be claimed :) You may send the money online via our paypal account Danman_138@yahoo.com  (mark the box to send to "Friends and family") or email me directly at Jeneinfeld@yahoo.com for our address if you prefer to mail the money that way. Also be sure to include the name, or family name that we should write on your puzzle piece. 

Our son is being cared for at the Zhumadian City, Child Welfare institution. Here is a picture of the outside of the orphanage. I am in a few groups of facebook of families who have or are adopting from China. My particular group has children from this orphanage, some have travel in the last few months and share pictures with the rest of us. 

And if your really brave, here is a video of one family in my group picking up their son from Ma Yun Fans orphanage. (You may have to copy and paste it in the browser, if it doesn't work let me know Ill try to find another link)

http://www.youtube.com/embed/nETsSugoCj0?rel=0


We had been planning on this and saving it till closer to the end, because it is more fun when you know WHERE your donation is going specifically. We really want to thank everyone from the bottoms of our hearts for the continual support, prayers, or even just checking in to see how the process is going. We never imagined it would be this difficult, but we are so thankful we preserved through the challenges. Looking at that sweet face makes it all worth it!! Thank you!! 

Summer is almost over...

Its been quite a fun summer, I just can't believe its over! Since the adoption updates are few and far between, I decided to update on what we are doing to pass the time. The kids are definitely ready to go back to school, and have a little structure. :) June started out pretty slow, and then the last week of June we welcomed Beatriz into our home for 6 weeks, she was an exchange student from Spain. The kids absolutely adored her, and Im pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

Also in June some special friends came to visit! We really enjoyed the week with the Epemas, It seemed as though they hadn't been gone for a year. All of us enjoyed the precious time we got to spend together, the kids seemed to pick up right where they left off, which made me smile!! XOXO 

In July, we celebrated Aviela and Addys birthdays. Aviela was 7, June 20, and Addy turned 2, July 5. We had a simple party at our house with a special cake and a few friends. 

Our family vacation this year was spending a couple nights at the Double JJ Ranch. The kids loved the waterpark, and the horses. Beatriz was able to go on 3 horse back rides, the kids on pony rides, visited their petting farm, and spent time together. We enjoyed being together as a family. The rest of July, we visited with friends, and did random things around Grand Rapids. We kept very busy. August snuck up on us really fast. Beatriz flew home August 7. It was a sad day, especially for the kids! I practically had to pull Addy out of her arms, she was convinced she was going to sit on Beatriz's lap on the plane. :( We had a short 10 days together before Johnny came back from China, August 17. The kids were of course overjoyed to see him, and really haven't stopped touching him since. He showered all of us with many authentic gifts from China, we feel loved by him and his family. It really feels really nice to have Johnny home for his 2nd and last year. :( Its almost bittersweet for me because I know this is only the beginning of the end, he will spend the next 10 months with us, and then fly home for the summer, and come back to the US in August for college. He will most likely not go to college near Grand Rapids.  Im just trying to savor every minute of this time because it will be over in a blink of an eye. Its really exciting living through his senior year with him- pictures, prom, colleges, etc. Its probably not our responsibility as host parents to get his pictures taken, and visit colleges, but Im really looking forward to enjoying this year with him and making it special. 

 The kids waiting for John to get off the plane. So excited!!

John Enjoying having sisters!! At the mall

Also in August Dan started coaching Ashers flag football team. They are the Denver Broncos!! It can sometimes be challenging for Dan, but overall he enjoys it. Its super adorable watching them run around the field. Asher REALLY enjoys it!

Asher in Action!!

I worked quite a bit a couple weeks ago at work. It was very stressful, and although the check was nice, Im reminded how grateful I am to be able to spend most of my time enjoying the precious time I have with the kids. Its definitely not always easy, and sometimes not fun, but I wouldn't have it any other way!! 

Today is back to school for Avi. She is a first grader in Spanish Immersion with Senora Dalman. Having our children in the public school was hard for me last year, to let go, and let them out of the bubble I wish they could live in forever. :) It even felt weird for Avi, I remember her asking one night, "so we won't PRAY at school?" AFter I swallowed the lump in my throat I said, "no." Avi's teacher last year was a missionary kid for part of her childhood, and her teacher this year was a missionary for part of her adult life. Even though its a public school, I know her teacher shares similar values- which is comforting for me. Avi is doing very well, and has transitioned well. Last year, Avi was in class with one of her best friends, Kaylee. This year they are in different classes. It will be good for her, but my prayer is that she feels comfortable socially without Kaylee, and begins to develop more close friendships. 

 Avi and Kaylee

By her locker

So we have had a busy summer! Dan and I had sometime to reflect on the adoption, and really felt like we needed an update. We asked the agency for an update and they told us they usually only give updates every 90 days but they would try for one. We wanted to know his oxygen sats, developmental milestones and place in line for surgery. We got a brief update saying he was one of three being considered for surgery- they take 1 child for surgery at a time, we don't know how often they take more children, and its totally up to the doctor to pick which of the 3 goes.... so this news didn't mean a ton. We were told his o2 levels were low 70's... which is bad, but not significantly worse then his trend. With the low o2 sats we are very concerned about brain development, thus why we were concerned about developmental milestones. All they said about his development was he is doing "well." Dan and I talked about it a lot, and prayed a ton, and just didn't feel super comfortable with the update. We live a busy life with 3 (4) active kids. We talked with the agency about options, could we change our minds now?, what did that mean for our status if we did?, could we get matched again?, what about his needs?, etc. The agency assured us that if we didn't feel that we were the perfect family for him any more, we could change our minds. They told us that they would find a family for him, and that we would not be "black listed" by them or China, and we could continue to wait for another match. So towards the end of July we did decide that we were not perfect for him. Its been extremely hard to tell our closest friends, and write on this blog. I am part of a FB China adoption group, I shared with them our situation, and they offered a ton of support. We still very much want to adopt from China, in fact, our paperwork was sent to China August 1, 2013, and Logged into their system August 8, 2013. Which means we are LID have a (log in date). Because we are to this point in our adoption process, we will be able to be matched with a child with much less significant needs. I have asked the agency about wait times, and they vary from 2 months to 1 year or more. I know it will happen in Gods timing, and really, honestly, I feel more content then I ever had about the wait.... 

Here is a little video of Addy celebrating the huge LID milestone in the adoption process!! :)

So many emotions

Disclaimer... I told you already Im horrible at english, but I just got home from work and didn't proofread this post...please don't judge :)

I have had a lot of people ask me lately "how is the adoption going?" Im sorry I haven't been updating more regularly, honestly, June was a tough month and I wanted to deal with everything before I updated.

I feel like I can't do any of the paperwork right the first time, and everything takes 4x longer than it should. Granted, most, if not all of the stuff was out of my control, but I took it really personally.
I started feeling angry. Angry -that all of these children (not just Nolan), are sitting waiting in orphanages for their mommys and daddys and the Government, and paperwork stand in the way of them finding their families. If I wasn't such a determined person, it would have been so easy to give up many times. These kids need families, yet the government is concerned about silly details which delay the paperwork by 2 weeks! I understand its a fine line to walk because it is important to place the children with loving parents, I get that. So many more children would have families if the requirements were less strict, if the paperwork didn't sit on someones desk for weeks, if it didn't have to touch so many different hands (increasing the cost), etc. It just isn't fair!! and It made me angry.

Then I was feeling sad. Sad that our baby is laying somewhere, in some sterile bed, sick, in desperate need of health care, and I couldn't be there to tell him it would be ok. It makes me sad thinking he has nothing that is his, no parent to kiss him goodnight, no voice, nothing! It made me want to go visit. I knew the paperwork was taking longer so I asked about doing an extra visit... only to find out he is in some "building" that visitors are not allowed. Comforting! Kinda sounds like prison.

That made me worried. Since we only get updates every 90 days, I began getting worried about his health. Was he really doing ok? Is he sicker than we think? When can he have surgery?

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not enjoy being pregnant, but I have said numerous times "I would rather be pregnant." This is by far one of the hardest things I have endured.

I feel like we are racing the clock to get him home, and we have NO one on our side, in fact we have a ton of blockers standing in our way telling us, "I can't do that" or "redo this paper" or "before I can do that, you need to do these other 10 steps" or "a request for that letter needs to come from your agency" AHHHH.... Im really feeling worn out.

1. Our homestudy got flagged by immigration because of the wording regarding John (our exchange student) Which meant numerous emails to various people, time on the phone with CCAI (our placement agency), communication with DA blodget (our homestudy agency), emails to John in China, etc. two sentences that made Nolan wait 2-3 weeks extra. Silly!

2. Then our agency wanted a letter from a local doctor stating the severity of his condition. I waited 2 weeks and heard nothing from the specialist, so I tried our pediatrician. He said no, something about his license, and writing a letter to the chinese government... whatever! So I tried DeVos cardiology again... they said they have never done such a thing, and didn't feel comfortable.... I begged and pleaded, and they said MAYBE but your agency has to place the request. So that meant more time on the phone calling CCAI, telling them what the drs said, etc. CCAI agreed to call DeVos, which DeVos did end up agreeing to do it but needed Nolans file again. OF COURSE CCAI couldn't forward that... I had to...UGH! I thought this was out of my hands.

I had a meltdown on the phone with Dan one afternoon. I try so hard to do things as quickly as possible, and the "right" way, but it never fails someone finds some silly reason to make it be redone. I was taking it personally that the reason why he was waiting longer was because of me, and I couldn't be quick enough. He needs surgery SO bad, and I just want to get there as soon as possible. It seems like the quicker I try to be, the longer it takes... I really dont like being so negative, Im just sharing my heart and the rotten  part of this process. Keep us in our prayers, its getting rough... and we aren't even to the tough stuff yet. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan!!


On a happier note, the orphan ministry at our Church is hosting a Ladies Night Jewelry party as a fundraiser for our adoption. Monday July 15th at 7pm. 50% of the sales go towards our adoption. Its a really cool way to help us get Nolan home, and have some pretty sweet new Jewelry. Come hang out, bring a friend, and have some sweet treats. I would love to see everyone!!


Goodnight!

Papers from Chicago!!! Yay

Today I was pleasantly surprised by the mail lady at my door. I think she asked me to sign something, all I knew was I knew where that envelope in her hand was from. :) I practically grabbed it out of her hand, and literally ripped it open in front of her. She got to share my excitement with me!!! Those Chinese are tricky though, at first it looked as though they did nothing to them. So I looked in the envelope- nothing just a receipt. The mail lady suggested maybe it was on the inside- sure enought the sticker I was waiting for!!! So relieved, and excited! They didn't stay in my hand to long though, we copied them, and off they went to the post office!! It feels nice to have them out of my hands, only 3 documents left to go through the same process, we are waiting for the i800 to arrive!!!! Yay!!!

We picked a name!!

Picking a name was NOT easy! Dan and I have had the hardest time with this one by far. It wasn't just about picking a name we liked, but finding a good meaning, making it fit with the other names, and some how keeping it Chinese. We decided to keep the first letter of his chinese name- N. 

His name is Nolan XiaoJohn Einfeld. Im trying to sneak one other middle name in there, but we will see if Dan agrees :) 

Nolan means "little champion, or fighter." 

Xiao is his chinese name meaning little. 

John is Hebrew (like our other children) meaning "God is gracious" He is named after all the "Johns" in our life.... Dans dad's middle name, our exchange student, John Epema, John Oneill, Im sure there is tons more but Im drawing blank right now. Please let us know. :)

Nolan is an answer to our prayers and it is by the grace of God that he is our little boy. He is truely a fighter, and our champion! 

No real updates... Chicago embassy hopefully has the paperwork done to their perfection, Im waiting anxiously to get that returned. The I-800, is complete and will hopefully be coming soon- thats the last piece we are waiting for. 

I got an update today from the agency, he seems to be doing well no change on his last Echo (which is great news), his oxygen levels remain consistent, and he is just waiting for surgery. We are putting together a package to send him, it has been really fun!! 

Today we got up early (4:30 am) to send John back to China for the summer. It was a family affair at the airport. He will be coming back to stay with us in August... August 17th... not that Im missing him or anything :) Hes been a lot of fun to have around, all of us really enjoyed him this year. I could sense his absence at dinner. The kids have been talking about him all day. I do have to admit I am a little bit jealous he is going to China, and Im not.... not yet anyways!! He says the flight is "painful." So maybe I shouldn't look forward to it so much. :) 

Thanks all for tonight, sorry about my lack of updates... nothing really exciting is going on, and we were enjoying the last weekend with John!!! 

Update...

This week nothing is exciting as our pre-approval last week... Lets see..

I got to spend Mothers day with my mom on Sunday. We spent the day looking for furniture for the kids rooms. Addy is growing out of her bed, and Asher is definitely growing out of his bed, PLUS we are trying to figure out how to organize the rooms with two kids in each.  :) About 5 furniture stores later...we accomplished finding stuff for the girls, and then Monday I took care of the boys. It was nice to spend time with my mom alone- we rarely get to do that.

Its been a crazy week, for some reason we have a ton of things on the calendar and months ago I picked up a ton of hours for this week! We are making it through, though. After I got home from work Monday we received in the mail our appointment notices to get fingerprinted. I was extremely worried that John would have been gone back home for the summer when the appointment came. Our agency encouraged us to apply last month, which I did. I was VERY happy to get the notices in the mail. Only problem was they had scheduled appointments for 2 weeks out, the day after John leaves! Our agency told us it was ok to just walk in and explain the story, they don't have to fit you in early, but they hadn't heard stories of anyone being turned away. So, Tuesday morning, John luckily didn't have any tests, so we made the trip to Kentwood to the USCIS- Department of Homeland Security. They did fit us in, but gave us the run around even though there was NOBODY else in there! It was a horrible experience, I have never been treated so inhuman in my life!! From the moment we walked in, it was ..."sit here, fill this out, back up, sit here, stand here, give me your left hand, leave the child there..." Then against the advice of the worker there, I sent Dan today without an appointment. They made him wait 2 hrs to get his fingerprints! It was horrible, Im glad its done. It was nice of them to fit us in, and hopefully it will speed things up by 2 weeks. :) Thats 2 weeks sooner to kiss those asian cheeks!!!

Tonight we were able to see the movie "Stuck" at church. It was so good, but horrible at the same time! The conditions kids live in are horrible, the politics and red tape involved keep the kids in institutions much longer than they need to be. Its so unfair!! They deserve to be in the arms of their forever family.

The movie made me feel blessed to be with an agency we trust, and to feel we are moving along in the process. One of the things that is stressing me out right now is that most of our dossier paperwork is at the embassy in Chicago being authenticated. However, there was a silly problem with one document that had to be corrected. Being corrected meant getting a new one, sending to the Secretary of State again (where it is now), and then sending back to the embassy- meanwhile they held all of our documents at the embassy. I check the mail anxiously everyday waiting for the S of S to send it back. Im nervous that the embassy will lose our papers or something in the mean time. It makes me even more nervous because the number at the embassy doesn't accept calls, its just a recording, so I had no way of getting ahold of them AND Dan took this message while I was at work one night... It makes me nervous. You can keep that in your prayers. :)

Last week I began the paperwork for a grant due today! Im so thankful for our homestudy social worker, CCAI, Scarlet Thomas, Emily Dewitte, and Pastor Rick, who all on a moment notice took time to email paperwork to the foundation for us. Im not sure how we pulled off getting all of that paperwork together in 3 days, but we did!!

Its been busy, but things are coming together, Thanks for keep us in your prayers!!!

Here he is!!!

Its so exciting to finally be able to share him with you!! CCAI told us it could take 2 weeks to get our pre-approval from China... it took 2 days!!! It still seems so hard to believe, thats our SON!! I just wanna kiss his sweet little cheeks. :) Now we get to pack a little package to send to him. Does anyone have any ideas? It has to fit in a shoe box....

Our journey isn't over yet, keep praying for us. Paperwork keeps coming at me. We are still working on getting all of our money. We are in the process of applying for a grant, pray we meet the deadline, and get a grant to bring our sweet little one home.

We still haven't nailed down a name yet, we are still thinking on it. Suggestions are welcome. Its a happy day. :)

Busy Week!!

So sorry I haven't updated in awhile. We had a busy week with the garage sale, I feel like I was going 90 miles an hr, all week. We are so thankful for all the help we had with the sale. I would name everyone, but the list would be toooo long!!! Everyone was so generous with there time and resources, and watching my children. Thank you Thank you!! The sale was a HUGE success, we raised over $2,000!!!

Other big news this week.... We accepted the referral!!! Now we are waiting for China to accept us!! :) This will be a big week for us!! We had so many God signs last week, and we just felt like God laid this kid in front of us for a reason. Yes, he has needs, but yes they are repairable- thats good enough for us. We talked with Aviela and asked her how she felt about Mommy and Daddy spending time at the hospital with the "baby," and we told her he was sick, she just said, "it will be ok Mom." And we agreed she was right. For some reason God really speaks to us through music. Its the moments I spend in the car that I do most of my thinking and praying. We felt God speaking to us through the words of Jeremy Camp's "Reckless,"... 

"Everytime I try to play it safe 

Holding back just a little part of me

I find myself forgetting what

I say that I believe

The promise of Your Word

Is all I need

I'll lay my life down

And give it up

I'll give it up"

I guess its true! Why should we say no to a sweet little soul that needs the medical attention, love, and family that we can provide.... Its really not about us. So we wait to see what China says...When they approve we will share his sweet little face with you. We can't wait to show him off. :)

We do need name suggestions though...its been a real struggle trying to come up with one we both agree on, it doesn't necessarily have to start with A. Please share ideas :)

Every time the seasons change I get overwhelmed, just naturally (without the adoption stress)- but this time I can't do much about the feeling. Going from winter to spring means new things to worry about like... cutting the grass, maintaining the lawn, blowing out the underground sprinkling, changing the kids clothes, etc. Its like the kids book "If you give a mouse a cookie..." If I go outside and think about the grass then I realize I need to change the kids clothes, when I go inside to change the kids clothes, I see that our walls have kid marks all over them and still haven't been painted since we moved in, If I think about the walls being painted I notice the cob webs that I can't reach to clean, then I realize so many other things need cleaning and organizing, and the carpet needing cleaned, but Thats when God gives me a reality check and reminds me that our sweet little boy is worth more than any aesthetic thing money could buy. So if you come over please don't notice- the grass, the landscaping/ weeds, the walls, the carpet, the cob webs, or the unorganization of my house. :) 

Yesterday we had a busy morning just catching up from the week... but in the afternoon we went to Tulip time in Holland. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE Holland! It was wonderful watching the dancers, eating an elephant ear, pictures with Tulips, dinner at Russ', Captain Sundae's with Grandpa VandenHeuvel, and the park!! We enjoyed spending time together, plus just being in Holland made me happy!

Today we met a new family and had lunch together at a park. We were just meant to be friends! They are young, have 3 biological children, and just brought the 4th child home from China (Who has special needs as well). She is a wealth of resources about fundraising, adoption and China! Get this... we met at my garage sale!! She came, told me a story that gave me goosebumps, and said we should hang out... so we did!! More than just raising money, we raised support! I hope that we are friends for a long time! It was really a great weekend.

Thats all for tonight, my toddler decided to learn a new trick- getting out of her crib! So I guess I will have to add, buy a twin mattress to that overwhelming list of tasks... but this one might be important. :)

Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming....

XOXOXOX Jen

Update!

Ive been wanting to update, but I had to work all weekend. This is whats happened all weekend... On Friday I spoke with a cardiologist at Devos, he was not encouraging at all! He told me that the heart condition is very serious, but correctable. Niko (The name the orphanage gave to him) does have an ASD, and VSD, which the Dr. isn't as concerned about them as he is with the pulmonary atresia. Pulmonary atresia means that the vessel that normally connects the heart and lungs is completely closed, his body has compensated and made an alternative route, but it isn't sufficient and will eventually fail. This is the bigger issue. Niko will have to have multiple surgeries as he grows to increase the size of the artificial vessel. Niko's oxygen sats have never been higher than 93%, have been as low as 55%, and usually hover 75-80's. That is what concerns me the most. Without adequate oxygen he is at risk for brain damage and poor development. The cardiologist also mentioned that Niko's particular diagnosis has also been linked with some syndromes. The "syndrome" word scares me. I shared all this information with the agency and they were wonderful about following up with the orphanage. The orphanage believes he does not show any other symptoms of the syndrome-  after doing research of my own, I agree and am not concerned with the possibility of a syndrome. Im actually very encouraged with his development. He recognizes his name, babbles, and is walking with assistance.

Dan and I talked it over and we pretty much agreed that he needs to have the surgery ASAP, as much as I would like to have it done in the US, we feel that it is in Niko's best interest to get surgery as soon as its available. Even with expedited paperwork, it could be 6 months before he's home. Considering the surgery should have been done months ago, 6 more months is definitely to long. We talked with the agency today, and asked how close he was to having surgery in China. We should have that answered tomorrow. After we figure out how far he is away from surgery we will be able to make a better decision. We know this is only the first surgery of many that he will have to have, we are ok with that.

We also figured out that Niko is in one of Steven Curtis Chapman's orphanages!! That makes me feel like hes getting really good care. :)

A friend of mine put this quote on her FB page yesterday "God is not going to give you a dream in which you don't need His help to accomplish the dream." (I think she got it from Church) It really made me think about this situation. After initially talking with the cardiologist I was very discouraged, It took me awhile to sort out everything he said. I am thankful for his honest advise of the whole picture, but I realize too that its his job to tell me "worst case scenario." The Cardiologist told me that it was his job to make this a tough decision, he said he didn't want to sound to optimistic, or to negative. He wanted to just tell me everything, and let us sort out what we think we can handle. Part of me felt like it would be so easy to let go, and get something much "easier." But then I was reminded that when we signed up for a waiting child, we signed up for the "gray," not "black or white." This decision isn't supposed to be easy, or something we can do on our own. We really do need God's guidance. He's given me the dream, and He's showing me we can't do it alone! And Im glad we don't have too :)

We still haven't made a final decision, we will wait to see what the agency tells us tomorrow. Its been consuming my thoughts, and Ive been praying about it almost constantly. We definitely don't feel pressured by the agency to accept, and we are not afraid of having to wait a long time for another referral (actually that would be a good thing, it would give us more time to raise the money). Its not an emotional decision either. As much as I love looking at his sweet face, I truly want what is best for him. If we feel his needs are to much for a family of 3 kids already we are not afraid to say no. Keep praying for us. If God dealt us this child biologically we would have no problem excepting and dealing with it, it seems a little backwards to have the option to decide "what we can handle." We pray that God gives us some clarity. :)

Don't forget about the garage sale this week- Wed- Friday... My garage is busting at the seams!! It will be a good one. :)

We talked to our Doctor

This is going to be a quick update. Today we talked to our family Doctor. He has personally adopted children internationally, we really trust his opinion. He told me that he is impressed with the strides that he is making developmentally, and feels that he is physically and cognitively doing very well. He sees no concerns and was actually impressed in the development he made during the 3 months between the 2 reports that we have. I asked if he was concerned that his heart had not been repaired yet, and he said no, he is still young and many times heart conditions are not identified until children are older. He was encouraged that he is not turning blue, and was not concerned with his oxygen sat levels. In regards to his heart condition, Tetralogy of fallot, he said that it is repairable, but suggested that I send the file to the pediatric cardiologist at Devos for his review. The cardiologist would be able to interpret the echo better and tell me how involved the repair would be. Overall we were encouraged, but are going to have the cardiologist review it. :) Thanks for praying for us, we can feel them.

Referral?!?!

This week has been difficult for me, mostly because I feel like Im juggling 10 different hats and doing a horrible job managing it all. We are in the thick of paperwork right now adoption wise (I got to see a copy of our homestudy today), getting ready for the garage sale, working, managing or more like (maintaining) family stuff day to day...  its just got me a little down.
I got a sweet text from a friend reminding me how it will all be worth it, probably 30 minutes later we got a phone call from our agency. We almost didn't answer the phone because we thought it was family and we were getting ready for dinner. When we realized it was them they were gone, and we tried to call back, but didn't know the extension of the person who was calling. Then my cell phone rang, I assumed they were just calling to address the email I sent earlier in the day.... She then proceeded to tell us about a possible REFERRAL!!!! Pretty much picture- perfect of what I imagined in my heart before we started the process. Its a BOY, Birthday 3/31/12, with heart disease. :) He is a "special focus" child, which means we can get matched before our paperwork is submitted. Which means it will go much quicker... little crazy considering we don't have all our money yet (and aren't even close). With all that being said, because he has a medical condition we need to have the profile reviewed by some doctors to make sure it is something we feel like our family can handle. It seems a little surreal, and reality hasn't sunk in yet. I expected this in August, not mid-april! God has some special little way of encouraging me, seeing those pictures are such good motivation.
We will keep you all update, and share pictures as soon as we are able. I can tell you one thing, he's adorable! :)
Pray that we make the best decision, its hard to say no to a sweet face that you want so bad, it will feel so good to be able to call him ours though!

here is my favorite "adoption" song. Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIwNZilpTXU

Off to Chicago Again...

So I got the papers back from Chicago early last week. I took them to the notary (for the 3rd time), feeling so silly I had to request yet another "something" on the document. They were both super sweet about it. I feel a little uneasy about sending them again. Im not sure what we could possibly add to them, but I feel like they may not like the exact wording used. Dan and I talked about it before we sent them- we had two options.... Start all over (reprint, notarized, send to Secretary of State, copy, then to Chicago), or Try again and send back to Chicago. It costs $25 to send the documents. We decided that the $25 risk seemed a whole lot less overwhelming then starting over. This isn't delaying us at all because our homestudy is not complete yet and needs to go through the whole process too. Im really praying they will like the documents and authenticate them. :)

I have been really overwhelmed lately getting ready for the garage sale. So many people have been SO generous, and we are really feeling blessed. I know the sale will be wonderful. Its taken a lot of my time and I think my kids are sensing my lack of emotional presence. Im not sure if its the weather, or me being so consumed by adoption related "stuff," but the kids have not been listening to us well at all. I feel like we are a crazy circus everywhere we go, for example....
Friday was a busy day, I woke up late (which actually felt AWESOME to sleep in) to the kids helping themselves to food, TV on, and PJ's still.... already at this point we missed the bus. I decided I was just going to take my time picking up, getting the kids ready, and taking a shower. We had an errand to run, then we stopped by Dans work to pick up the documents he copied (so I could send them to the embassy), took Avi to school, then had to stop at the bank to fix the money order. This is all while the weather is cold and rainy. By the time we get to the bank Asher and Azalia had been in the car awhile. We get to the counter, they of course request candy, it takes a few minutes for the lady to take care of what I need. Meanwhile, the kids are running around giggling, laughing, being super silly, refusing to listen to "stand by mom." So embarrassing! Next stop post office. We talk in the car about staying by mom, and not running around- I get "yea, ok, yea, yea..." We get to the post office, I park the car, and turn around only to find the kids had thrown toys all over the floor of the van. My OCD comes out, and I say we have to find all the pieces before we go inside (It was more like mom finding all the pieces). We got most of them, the few left were under the seat so I got the kids out and told them to wait on the sidewalk so I could look under the seats. I turn around to find them again- laughing, giggling, and running up and down the handicap ramp at the post office. I was about to loose it! I round them up, and explain once again why its important to stay by mom..."yea, ok, yea yea yea..." Inside they were ok- considering it took me awhile to put all the papers together and label the envelopes. The thought did go through my mind many times- "are you sure you want one more??" Then I kept thinking about how silly I must have looked at all those places with out- of- control kids, and them knowing I was mailing papers to get ONE MORE!

I know life will not get any less crazier with one more, but it will be more blessed. God doesn't call us to do the things that are easy- thats what I have to keep telling myself. Even though my munchkins can be very silly and crazy, they are so precious and without them I wouldn't know what to do. I suppose our  life is about to get a little more crazy blessed. :)


I found some encouragement in 2 Corinthians

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Thats all for tonight, its pricing and organizing for me :)

Don't forget to mark your calendars for the garage sale Starting Wednesday May 1, 6:30pm- Friday afternoon.

This paperwork is gonna make me crazy yet!! ....

So today, I got a call from the Embassy in Chicago (crazy they got our paperwork so fast, and already reviewed it!) They wanted to let me know that the notary only signed, stamped, and dated the paper... leaving out the sentence about it being a "true and original document" UGH! The state told me the notary forgot to date (which they had to mail the papers back, I had to get a date then remail), this time they forgot the sentence.... Well I guess its back to visit the notary for me!! We will get it right yet. Im sure glad that we are finding out all these little glitches now while we are waiting for our homestudy to be written. So really it isn't holding us up, just costing us a lot of time, money (shipping costs doubled now!), and headaches running around!! We will get it right yet. :)

God is GOOD...and we have some AWESOME friends!!!

I am so overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends!! Numerous times in the last 48 hrs I have been just awed by how loving, generous, and supportive our friends are. Yesterday I met with 2 people from our church who are more than compassionate about adoption. They gave me AWESOME ideas for our garage sale, and offered to HELP. A huge burden was lifted. The help is great, and very much appreciated but the support is priceless. It feels so good knowing that we are gaining this team of supporters cheering us on in this journey. Our baby has no idea how lucky he/she is to have all these people loving on them already!! So that was yesterday, well today... First, I got an email from our agency saying that some friends of ours gave a very generous donation towards our next fees. (talk about jaw dropping, tears flowing..) Then, I got an email from another family saying they had some stuff to donate to our garage sale. John helped Dan pick it up, and he was so impressed. We were all overwhelmed by their generosity!! When I thanked her she told me... "When the kids heard they could support you... really motivated them to get rid of things they might not really use." We are so grateful!! Our playroom/den is starting to get really cluttered, typically it would be killin' me, but right now I LOVE watching that pile grow. It only means we are closer to our goal. We still have a long way to go but little by little we will get there, God has His hand in this, this time!

It is very humbling for me to accept all these things. I don't like asking for things, especially in such quantity. Its helping me realize that I can't do it on my own- even if I worked tons of extra hrs, or pinched every penny- coming up with $25,000 in 6 months would be impossible. I'm learning a lesson in relying on God, which isn't easy for a person who likes to be independent. An impression is being made on our kids too. Its hard to know how much they really understand, but they know its all to help bring home their brother/sister in China. And John too... He came here not a believer, and got fully submersed into the Christian lifestyle-at school, home, church, etc. He still is not a believer, but many seeds have been planted. He doesn't understand the crazy love I have for orphans, or why you would all be so supportive in us having 4 kids!! Thats like a zoo (in China). He does feel the love, and right now thats good enough for me. :)

 Yesterday I asked a friend to watch Azalia for me because I thought I had "muffins with mom," with Asher, only to find out I had the wrong MONTH! Pretty much the story of my life lately.... So then I offered to pick Azalia back up, which she insisted I enjoy sometime to myself. (Something Im not easily convinced to do) So I took advantage of the time and drove to the bank to get the money order I needed to mail our documents to Chicago. Got up to the counter, pulled out all the papers, and... no wallet!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SO I had to drive all the way home to get it, by that time I didn't have enough time to go back to the bank before my next apt.- so I enjoyed my peace, ate my typical breakfast of oreos :), and read facebook. A friend of mine posted this link...

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/08/10-ways-to-be-a-happier-mom/

It was really what I needed, and a good reminder for the whirlwind of crazy that I have going on right now. :)

Here today, Gone tomorrow....

We got the rest of our documents back from the Secretary of State today!! About a month ago, I submitted 10 documents for certification, 2 weeks later I got them back with 6 left uncertified. Apparently the notary didn't date them, so I had to run around get the notary to date them and then mail them back! Today they came in the mail, and they are all certified!!! I was so excited to see them, I was hugging the package. The kids were wondering what was so cool about the papers. :) I had to explain to them it was one step closer to China. They nodded and smiled.

Tomorrow I will get a money order, make copies, and go to the post office... they will be on their way to the Chinese Embassy in Chicago for Authentication. Those are some expensive pieces of paper!!

I will try to update as often as something exciting happens. Feel free to share our blog with others, I know God is up to something.

Blessings
Jen

Im new at this...

I have had mixed feelings about writing a blog for lots of reasons- first I am NO writer, my grammar is not the best (so please don't expect much) :). Second, Im a little nervous about how many thousands of people will read about our lives. And third, I don't want this to become the only avenue people use to stay updated on our journey. We know that we will need LOTS of prayer, and lots of encouragement. Adoption is a very emotional process. And we want to talk to you!!

Adoption has been a weighted burden placed on my heart since I was young. I remember trying to convince my parents to be a foster family as a young girl. (They thought I was crazy, they probably still think that :)). In college I worked as an intake coordinator for Bethany and talked with families inquiring about adoption. I spend many hours reading different country requirements, fees, and also adoption stories. For whatever reason, I was REALLY drawn to China. Dan and I have talked about adoption for a long time and always agreed it would be something we would pursue someday. About 3 years ago we began inquiring about the process. We knew we didn't meet the age requirements for China, and we had also been told we most likely would not qualify because of my scoliosis. So we compromised with Korea (since we met the requirements there, and it seemed like the closest thing to China). I went into the adoption process very clearly wanting a girl. I really wanted Aviela to have a sister (especially since I never had one). The social worker told us that Korea would not let us specify gender and that we had to be open to either genders. So I reluctantly agreed, but really believed God would give us a girl. We finished our homestudy, lots of paperwork, fingerprints, 6 months of waiting, and then our REFERRAL. It was a boy! I was not shocked because while we were waiting I had talked with another social worker with our agency who told me how the referrals were getting matched. I got used to the idea, the kids were excited, and it seemed normal. So we accepted, paid the remaining fees, and started getting ready for our new little boy. About one month after we got the referral, we found out that I was pregnant. We didn't know what to do, but we did know we signed a document that said we would notify our agency with changes to our family. We decided to tell them, knowing that we might possibly lose the referral. They had many meetings, and waffled back and forth for a few weeks until they decided to pull our referral. This precious little boy who we named, began planning for, were emotionally attached to-quickly became not ours. It was horrible! We were all heartbroken. I struggled a lot with the pregnancy in the beginning. It didn't seem right, or possible, WHY? What it came down to, was that I was being selfish. God gave me another biological child (something some families struggle to experience), but somehow that tangible asian face seemed more real. Dan knew right away we were having a girl. He told me one night when I was so upset, that he thought God was going to give us the girl my heart desired. At 20 weeks we found out it was a girl!!!  God really does know the desires of your heart. Even amidst the tears and pain, He had a bigger, perfect plan! I was the one who had a hard time letting go. Azalia Kate was born July 5, 2011. Her name means "reserved by God." I really believe God gave her to us at just the perfect time!

We enjoyed the first year of her life, but then began talking again about the "adoption thing." It was still a huge burden, but I was scared to be so emotionally, and financially vulnerable again. So we checked out foster care, and just when we thought we were almost licensed- God shut that door. Foster care seemed so easy- we had lots of freedom to "pick" the children we would foster, made adoption cheaper, and we had no obligations. Still in love with China, I reread the requirements. I felt like Scoliosis was a gray area so I emailed three agencies. To my surprise they all responded with very positive comments. I was encouraged. Dan and I talked it over and decided to check it out.

In January we submitted our formal application to CCAI (Chinese Children Adoption International), we were approved. CCAI believes that with a letter from a doctor my Scoliosis will not be a problem. YAY!! Since the approval of our formal application we have been working on our dossier documents (which is quite a process), and we finished all our homestudy meetings. Right now our social worker is finishing up writing our homestudy. I can't wait to have that document in our hands!! We gathered all our dossier documents, got them notarized, now they are at the secretary of state to get certified, from there they go to the Chinese embassy in Chicago to get authenticated, and from there to our agency to get reviewed and translated... then to China.  I think that we could have all of our paperwork to China by the end of the summer/ early fall. After that happens we get a "Log in Date" or LID, with a LID we will have lots more flexibility on picking a child. Its just amazing how God changes your heart, last time I clearly preferred a girl, this time a male. :) We have chosen the "waiting child," program and will get to pick a child with minor/ correctable needs.

During the adoption process the last time I felt very impatient and would get frustrated with the "hang ups", but this time I feel more relaxed. I am trying to enjoy the "waiting" time. This time the "hang ups" just give us more time to save money. I have been trying to sell "stuff." It feels really good to get rid of old toys. I had a really hard time pulling out the bins and bins of the kids clothes to sell though. Since we will not get an infant, there is plenty we will not need. I realized that I was very emotionally attached to their clothes. They are tangible memories. :) I had to tell myself that the memories are in my heart and head and the precious asian face will be worth more then any piece of cloth. I have also been working a ton of extra hours this week alone I worked 36 extra hrs (on top of my normal shifts). Its been fun to be at work, but the balance has been stressful.  The last couple days I started to notice the kids were missing my presence. When Im home most of the time, the chaos of 3 kids seems manageable, managing my schedule, their schedules, and house work has been overwhelming to me lately. I know its temporary and it will all be worth it, and that keeps me positive.

Keep us in your prayers. Prayers that things go smoothly, for finances, and that we will be able to manage being the parents we want to be with everything we are juggling.

Blessings
Jen