2014

2014

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

So many emotions

Disclaimer... I told you already Im horrible at english, but I just got home from work and didn't proofread this post...please don't judge :)

I have had a lot of people ask me lately "how is the adoption going?" Im sorry I haven't been updating more regularly, honestly, June was a tough month and I wanted to deal with everything before I updated.

I feel like I can't do any of the paperwork right the first time, and everything takes 4x longer than it should. Granted, most, if not all of the stuff was out of my control, but I took it really personally.
I started feeling angry. Angry -that all of these children (not just Nolan), are sitting waiting in orphanages for their mommys and daddys and the Government, and paperwork stand in the way of them finding their families. If I wasn't such a determined person, it would have been so easy to give up many times. These kids need families, yet the government is concerned about silly details which delay the paperwork by 2 weeks! I understand its a fine line to walk because it is important to place the children with loving parents, I get that. So many more children would have families if the requirements were less strict, if the paperwork didn't sit on someones desk for weeks, if it didn't have to touch so many different hands (increasing the cost), etc. It just isn't fair!! and It made me angry.

Then I was feeling sad. Sad that our baby is laying somewhere, in some sterile bed, sick, in desperate need of health care, and I couldn't be there to tell him it would be ok. It makes me sad thinking he has nothing that is his, no parent to kiss him goodnight, no voice, nothing! It made me want to go visit. I knew the paperwork was taking longer so I asked about doing an extra visit... only to find out he is in some "building" that visitors are not allowed. Comforting! Kinda sounds like prison.

That made me worried. Since we only get updates every 90 days, I began getting worried about his health. Was he really doing ok? Is he sicker than we think? When can he have surgery?

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not enjoy being pregnant, but I have said numerous times "I would rather be pregnant." This is by far one of the hardest things I have endured.

I feel like we are racing the clock to get him home, and we have NO one on our side, in fact we have a ton of blockers standing in our way telling us, "I can't do that" or "redo this paper" or "before I can do that, you need to do these other 10 steps" or "a request for that letter needs to come from your agency" AHHHH.... Im really feeling worn out.

1. Our homestudy got flagged by immigration because of the wording regarding John (our exchange student) Which meant numerous emails to various people, time on the phone with CCAI (our placement agency), communication with DA blodget (our homestudy agency), emails to John in China, etc. two sentences that made Nolan wait 2-3 weeks extra. Silly!

2. Then our agency wanted a letter from a local doctor stating the severity of his condition. I waited 2 weeks and heard nothing from the specialist, so I tried our pediatrician. He said no, something about his license, and writing a letter to the chinese government... whatever! So I tried DeVos cardiology again... they said they have never done such a thing, and didn't feel comfortable.... I begged and pleaded, and they said MAYBE but your agency has to place the request. So that meant more time on the phone calling CCAI, telling them what the drs said, etc. CCAI agreed to call DeVos, which DeVos did end up agreeing to do it but needed Nolans file again. OF COURSE CCAI couldn't forward that... I had to...UGH! I thought this was out of my hands.

I had a meltdown on the phone with Dan one afternoon. I try so hard to do things as quickly as possible, and the "right" way, but it never fails someone finds some silly reason to make it be redone. I was taking it personally that the reason why he was waiting longer was because of me, and I couldn't be quick enough. He needs surgery SO bad, and I just want to get there as soon as possible. It seems like the quicker I try to be, the longer it takes... I really dont like being so negative, Im just sharing my heart and the rotten  part of this process. Keep us in our prayers, its getting rough... and we aren't even to the tough stuff yet. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan!!


On a happier note, the orphan ministry at our Church is hosting a Ladies Night Jewelry party as a fundraiser for our adoption. Monday July 15th at 7pm. 50% of the sales go towards our adoption. Its a really cool way to help us get Nolan home, and have some pretty sweet new Jewelry. Come hang out, bring a friend, and have some sweet treats. I would love to see everyone!!


Goodnight!